MOVING

That is right, I am moving.....for the first time in 15 years.....UGH....

I needed a bigger place.....my kids have been sharing a room for years now......and we are finally moving to a new place where they will have their own bedrooms, and I will have room to move through my living room forwards, instead of shimmy room on the side only....



Soooooooooooooooooooooo, here is the thing.....it is happening really fast.....I got the call on Thursday, and we will be moved in two weeks....so, as you can see, that will cut down drastically on my free time (not that I had a whole lot of it anyway).....so, this will be my last post until after Canada Day......then, I will make an effort to post more often.....


Until then readers, have a great June, sorry I will not be sharing it with you


Unknown Sister

Same shit, different day....

Now that all my son’s bad days are behind him, I am ready to kill him again.  I finally talked to someone at the paper office today, and sure enough, he has been missing one customer every day.   I am sure it is just that he is trying to learn the houses…..the lady at the paper place was a little short today about it though.  When I went and met her, she was super nice, so I do not know if she is just having a bad morning, or what, but he needs to correct this problem now.  It is just a matter of him memorizing the houses, which he thought he had, hence the one missing daily, mostly the same customer, so he did not remember that house.  Problem fixed easy enough, hopefully.  Then today, I asked him where his drop sheets are, and he informed me that he never takes them with him.  So I asked about where his garbage is, and he told me he just leaves it where he picks up his papers.  Really?  REALLY??  So, today, I made him go and collect it, and told him that I want to see that every single day, along with his drop sheets, so I can see if he is missing people or not, and to ensure that his garbage is getting to the garbage…..This better be the end of this problem, cuz I do not want to deal with that lady again!

Today I am on my way off to the doctor.  I see the doctor a lot, as I have a few chronic health problems, but today is different.  12 days ago, I got a cold.  Fair enough, I do not get those too often, but when I do, I get hit, and hard.  I had a fever and was super sick for the first four or five days….since then, I seem to be getting better except for one thing, my nose.  I can blow and blow and blow and it never, ever stops.  And it has killed my sense of smell and taste.  I mean, killed it.  I am so sad to have gone over a week without smelling or tasting anything.  And I mean ANYTHING.  I bought extra strong mint halls, which normally I cannot even handle, and I might as well have been sucking on a button.  Its maddening.  I just want to be able to taste something, anything.  I miss food.  I do not even want to eat certain things, cuz I almost feel like I am wasting it.  Now, here is the biggest piss off to this problem.  Two weeks ago, I had plans with a friend to go to Red Lobster for dinner, I had to cancel as something came up.  Actually, it kinda pisses me off, cuz that thing that came up was also postponed to the next day, so we could have gone for dinner.  Anyway, then I got sick, so we decided to wait, and then this week I told her, we would go next week, as I am not able to taste anything.  Well, I saw a facebook update today that said that the promotion we were going to enjoy (festival of shrimp) ends on Thursday…..so, now we have planned to go Thursday, and I am going to pray I can taste some of it, or I am gonna be livid. 

At this point, I am kinda assuming I have a sinus infection or something, and need antibiotics.  I just hope whatever she gives me will make me feel better fast.  I am so sick of being sick!  There is a small deli across the street from the DR office too, and sometimes when I go, I will have lunch there and read a book, have some alone time that I crave more often than I get it, but it’s rather pointless when I cannot taste the food.  And I am so sick of blowing my nose!  I must own shares in the Kleenex company by now!  I have been using the ones with Vicks in them, not that I would be able to tell by smell.  I actually rubbed Vicks all over my nose and under it, and I could not tell at all, might as well have been Vaseline.  I would love to be able to smell again too! 

That is really all for today, there is so much more I could write about, but will have to wait for next time, as I must get ready to see the DR…..I will, however, leave you with a Top Ten for the week, as it has been a while since I did that.

Top Ten Things That Piss Me Off

Racists

Homophobes

Republicans

Stupid Laws or Lack Thereof A Law When Needed (i.e. Cannabis Prohibition or No Law To Protect Homosexuals Against Discrimination In Certain States)

Child Abuse

Animal Abuse

Greed

Judgmental People

Two Faced People

Unnecessary Drama

Unknown Sister

Why can we not just fix all the wrongs done to our kids in life?????

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What a month.  My poor son has had life chew him up and spit him out this month…..man, and now I am kinda nervous that something else bad might be coming his way….I will always try my best to protect him all I can, but I can only do so much…..

It started two weeks ago, when I got a call from a newspaper service that my son delivered.  It’s a rather long story, but the long and short of it is that they offered him a route that was NOT suitable for  a kid, or teenager, or anyone that was not driving the route, to be honest…..he tried his best for several months, but they called him that day, and fired him.  Needless to say, he was very upset.  He has become very used to having his own spending money, and he was also upset feeling that he failed this.  Two days later, I was able to get him another job with a different paper.  One problem down, several more to go.

Last week, a week after this, he was walking home from school, and his iPod slipped out of his hand, and hit the sidewalk, and cracked.  And I mean CRACKED, the screen was in a million pieces.  I felt terrible for him, and he felt horrible too, of course.  Those things are not cheap, I think he paid almost $400 for it, out of his own money, that he made, doing papers for hours and hours each week.  The next day, I call Apple, and get a total jerk on the phone, that basically tells me that even though he has had it less than 90 days, and BOUGHT A CASE THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO PROTECT IT FROM THIS VERY THING his only option was to buy another one, which they offer at half price cuz this happens so often.  Well, that did not sit well with me, so I looked around for an Apple store, as I heard they could do a screen repair.  The closest one was an hour from where we live.  Brilliant!  So, I make an appointment at the ‘Genius Bar’ for a week later….which was today…..anyway, back to his week.

On Monday, his basketball got stolen from right in his classroom, RIGHT AT THE TEACHER’S DESK.

Then Wednesday, they had a book fair at school, so he brought his wallet.  When it was time to go up to the book fair, his wallet was gone.  Someone went right into his backpack and stole it.  It contained $70 cash, his bank card, a future shop gift card, and a Dave and Buster’s card with about 1300 tickets on it.  Not to mention that was a new wallet that I just bought him for Christmas.  Unfortunately, He did not tell anyone while he was at school, as he was afraid that he would cause a problem, to come home and find it sitting on the table or something.   When I got home, he told me, and I emailed the school, the next morning I talked to the Principal, but of course, once it leaves the school, it’s too late to get it back.  I felt really terrible for him again. 

The next day, I told him to head to the bank to get a new bank card.  So he walked there after school.  I was at work.  He called me when he got home, to tell me that he got his new card, and went into the restaurant next door to the bank to get himself some dinner since I was sick and working late, and the kids were on their own for dinner.  On his walk home, he fell in the mud, got covered in it, and his dinner ended up all in it too.  My heart was just breaking for him at this point, I mean, how much can one 13 year old take??

Today, I went to the Apple store, and got his iPod replaced, for free (thank God), so, that is good.  The police came, and took a report about his wallet, and talked to his class.  But you all know, as well as I, that his wallet is gone forever.  He found his basketball today out in the field behind the school, so that is good.  And I got him some dinner on the way home, lol, just cause.

The thing too, is that my son is a really good kid.  He has worked his hardest his whole life.  Sure he messes up things every now and again like any kid, or any person in general, but overall, he is a really good kid.  He never gets in trouble at school, I have never had any major problems with him here at home, he is a good student, and hard worker and very loving and giving.  He gets up every morning at 5:30am to deliver papers six days a week, and plays on school sports teams, and maintains an A & B grade average....which is no small feat for a kid with ADHD.  He also does his chores at home without problems, and is very polite and well mannered (sometimes a little too much if you ask me).  Its just hard to see such a hard working kid get such a shit deal sometimes.  Esp all at once in a two week period like that.

Now, the only thing left that is bothering me, the paper route he has now is going good, but they called first thing this morning, and I have no idea why.  I know that they are affiliated with the one he got fired from, so I hope nothing weird is happening that way.  When I got home at noon, I called back, and then called another 50 times during the afternoon, and could not get hold of anyone!  Maddening.  For someone with an anxiety disorder like mine, it will never leave all weekend it will be in the forefront of my mind.  It could be any number of things they are calling about, but right away my mind goes to the worse one.  If I get any more bad news for my son, I do not think I will be able to handle it, never mind him.  Although, I do have the argument that the first route was SO not suitable, and he has been doing good on this one, also, he had a similar route for another paper that he did successfully for a year, until it self-dissolved……I am just so irritated that I could not get anyone on the phone the entire afternoon to put my mind to rest….oh well, I guess all I can do is hope for the best…..have a great long weekend everyone!

Unknown Sister

OCD, Kids, Coupons and Serial Killers - LOL

Well, I a pretty pissed.  I had a folder for my blog, that included TONS of top ten lists, and a name list for the blog, plus all my drafts, and its like GONE.  GONE.  G.O.N.E.  I have no idea what happened.  The entire folder, plus a lot of my other drafts, like resumes and such.  Then my daughter had a power point done for school that went missing too.  Do computers usually eat your work?  Well, after being pissed off about it for a few days, I realized there is nothing I can do about it, so WTF. 

Other than that, life has been pretty much the same.  My OCD seems a little more intense these days, and the doctor seems to want to pump me full of drugs to deal with it.  I don’t think that is going to happen, those mind altering drugs scare the living fuck out of me.  Not only was my mother a huge addict, but I had a terrible reaction to those drugs the last time, and I have not been the same since.  That story is a blog in itself, trust me.  So, he writes me a script the other day, and I come home to research it, and the first thing I read, is that while this drug treats OCD the most aggressively, it is a second class drug due to all the side effects.  And some of them seem really nasty, so I am gonna pass….thanks Doc, but no thanks.  For several years now, I have used Cannabis to control my OCD and anxiety, and while it does work when I need it to, it is not something I want to smoke all day long every day, I just like it at night mostly, when it is time to relax after a long day.  It takes the edge off so I can get things done and then unwind.  Having bad OCD makes me anxious pretty much all the time, so it makes me be able to relax enough to unwind from 60-0 and actually sleep.  My kids enjoy that I am not so cranky after as well.  Doc says there is no real harm in it, I had to quit once for two weeks last year for some surgery I was having, not a big deal, but took it back up after as it helps so much.

  

This weekend Z is having a sleepover for her birthday.   Z is my –just-turned-15 year old daughter.  She is technically my ex D’s daughter, but I have been raising her for almost the last five years.  She is a pretty awesome kid too, so I think I might keep her, LOL.  She is having a co-ed group of six over, so this should be fun.  They are actually all pretty good kids in that group, so I am sure all will be fine, as long as they have an endless supply of junk food.  We are getting an ice cream cake from Cold Stone.  If you have not tried their ice cream, I HIGHLY recommend it.  Hopefully I will be able to sleep at some point and the giggling and/or screaming (horror flicks) won’t keep me up.  We are shipping my son G off for the night, cuz he is almost two years younger, and I am sure you all know that younger siblings are NOT cool when friends are over……if I am still alive next week, you will hear from me again….if this is my last blog ever, the teenagers got me, LOL.

I have been getting pretty good at ad matching and couponing as of late.  I have a friend K that is pretty good at it herself, and we have been talking and looking out for good deals for each other.  She actually was an ad matching pro, and I was the coupon queen, so we have teamed up.  Look out!  You don’t realize how much it adds up until you actually put a little effort into it.  I had two shopping trips this weekend, a big one on the weekend with O and D, and a smaller one yesterday with another friend of mine, M, whom I took out to teach how to do ad matching, (she was a tad nervous about doing it herself).  Between the two trips, I spend, $197.00, and saved, $390.30 between ad matching and coupons.  Which is great, as I did not have $587 to spend, lol.  When I take my bi-weekly shopping trips,  I am going to post my coupon tracker on the next blog I write, however, keep in mind, this total is coupons only, if you do ad matching on top of that, your savings will blow that out of the water.  The best buy of this week was Olay Body Wash.  The 900ml retails at Wal-mart for $8.47, however, it was on sale at Food Basics for $3.49.  Then I had several coupons for buy two Olay products, get $5.00 off, which means, I paid $1 each.  ONE DOLLAR, for body wash that has a retail value of $8.47……WOW.

Last night I watched the new ‘I Spit On Your Grave’.  I was rather intense, but great torture porn.  One of the better ones, like ‘Hostel 2’ and ‘Captivity’.  If you like that sort of thing, and I do, I would recommend it.  If you do not, I suggest you do not.  I was told that it can make your stomach queasy.  If you are a sadist, like me, it can cause an evil grin to come over your face.  I remember when I went to see ‘Hostel 2’ for the first time, I was in the theatre with one my best friends, A, and there is an Elizabeth Bathory scene.  So, there is a naked woman laying in a tub, and another naked girl hanging from a meat hook above her.  The girl is trembling in fear, and crying.  The entire audience was silent.  A had tears coming from her eyes from the shear emotion and fright of it.  I tried, I really did.  After a minute or so, I could not help it anymore, and I just burst out laughing.  A was so mad, she said she was never going to the movies with me again.  She did, lol.  I tried, I really did, but I just could not hold it in anymore.  The sadist in me was identifying not with the victim, like most people do, but with the perpetrator.   Just like the beginning of the movie, there are several guys, normal, family guys, in business meetings, play golf, ect, betting on victims.  I was SO drawn into that, it took everything out of me not to jump up and scream out loud when the auction of victims closed and the lead character won.  Man, A would have REALLY killed me if I did that. 

It is a very interesting fine line between BDSM and uncontrolled sadism.  When you look at the serial killers of our time, a good number of them are into BDSM, but are not controlled within themselves.  Jeffery Dahmer, BTK, Paul Bernardo, Hillside Stranglers and Charles Ng,  and countless others, all have what seems to be an obsession with BDSM but did not use the right channels to fulfill it.  Sometimes I wonder what the difference is between them and me.  Why did I end up on this side of the fence and them on the other.  If you look at the classic beginning life of serial killers, they look not too different than mine.  The only two things that REALLY stand out as not like me are bedwetting, I never did that, and torture of animals, which I not only would never do, but it makes me really mad and sick to my stomach, I LOVE animals.  Another kind of sadism that I don’t like is things like Nazi’s or racist’s, (see last blog).  Things like that make me sick to even think about, but give me a helpless adult girl or boy even, and I could do things that I could not even say here.  Things that would make most of you cringe.  Odd how the mind works. 

Typical characteristics of serial killers include:

Intelligence, with IQs in the "bright normal" range. (Yes, my IQ is 131)

Often, they have trouble staying employed and tend to work in menial jobs. The FBI, however, states, "Serial murderers often seem normal; have families and a steady job. Other sources state they often come from unstable families. (I came from an unstable family, but now have a very stable family and job)

As children, they are often abandoned by their fathers and raised by domineering mothers. (My father did not abandon me, but he did die at a young age and my mother was VERY domineering to my father, and me, until I was old enough to dominate her)

Their families often have criminal, psychiatric and alcoholic histories. (I have a criminal record {Juvenile thank God}, and psychiatric {OCD}, I do NOT drink alcohol at all)

They were often abused — emotionally, physically and/or sexually — by a family member. (My mother abused me emotionally and mentally for sure….physically only one time that I can remember, sexually, I am not sure about, that will be a topic for another blog)

They have high rates of suicide attempts. (No)

From an early age, many are intensely interested in voyeurism, fetishism, and sadomasochistic pornography. (Yes, YES, YES, and somewhat)

More than 60 percent wet their beds beyond the age of 12. (No, I don’t have even one memory of bed wetting)

Many are fascinated with fire starting. (Not really)

They are involved in sadistic activity or torturing animals. (Sadistic activity is a giant YES, torturing animals, never even close)

They were frequently bullied as children. (Not really, had a run in here and there, but I always stood up for myself)

Some were involved in petty crimes, such as theft, fraud, vandalism, dishonesty or similar offenses. (Yes lots of this when I was young)

So, yes, sometimes it makes me wonder why I did not end up the next Charles Manson, but I am thankful that I am not.  I have always been fascinated with serial killers to.  I remember in grade school we had to write a speech on any topic we choose, and I chose Charles Manson, who was my first serial killer that I really got into.  The school called my parents, as they felt that I was siding with him.  A few of my friends were creeped out.  I was obsessed with him for a good long while, and even though I have found others that I am fascinated in, he was like a first love.  Which is actually a bit ironic, considering he is a racist.  But in his time, most white people were, I wonder if he has evolved at all since then.  For more than ten years, he was my primary interest in the serial killer realm.  I was always amazed how he got so many people to blindly follow him, even to murder, its intoxicating.  Jeffery Dahmer was the second one I really was into, and after that, it just kind of snowballed.  It is obviously the sexual sadism that attracts me to them (with the exception of Charlie, it was his power), as the killers that do not have a sexual aspect to their killings such as Son of Sam or Richard Kuklinski do not interest me at all, in fact, I find them rather boring.  Sometimes I can get really turned on by reading the evil deeds of these killers.  I know that is not morally or socially acceptable, but I do not control it, any more than anyone else controls what turns them on.  The important part is that I never act on those fantasies.

 

Well, that is all for now, I could go on and on, but I must get something productive done……I know this blog was all over the place, talking about so many different random topics at once, but that is what I wanted this site for, to be able to express all sides of me…..loving mother, coupon queen and sadistic driven…...so, until another day readers……..

 

Unknown Sister